PokerRetards.com : The World's Worst Poker Players Playing Hands Badly!

Phil Ivey : Folding the Flush

admin — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 17:05:45 +0000

We all know that Phil Ivey, arguably the best offline or online poker player in the world, is capable of making some amazing laydowns. This hand drives that point home forever. We watch in horror as the game’s best player folds the winning hand on the showdown. The stakes couldn’t have been higher. It’s deep into the World Series of Poker main event and the whole world is watching as Phil Ivey mucks the winning flush and gives up a $2 million monster pot.

Ivey once said in an interview that nobody plays every hand perfectly. So the next time you find yourself making a boneheaded play at the poker tables that is worthy of being on this site, remind yourself that even Phil Ivey can make a big mistake… in front of millions of ESPN viewers… with the championship on the line.

Tony G : Feel My Power!

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 22:13:08 +0000

This hand is easily one of the most classless displays of poker we have ever seen here at Poker Retards. Playing in some Australia poker tournament, Tony G declares to Perry that he has a weak hand. Then when Perry raises like the poker pro he is, Tony G reraises all-in. I’m sure Perry was regretting his call, as he had to sit through Tony G’s bitchy tirade through four streets. But the real fireworks start after the last card comes and Tony G “celebrates” by belittling his opponent AFTER he’s knocked him out of the tournament. Judging from this hand, you’d almost think there was some personal bad blood between the two poker players. And then to top it off, Tony G starts insulting Mother Russia… just click on the video already.

Ted Lawson : Misreading a Straight

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 22:08:28 +0000

This is easily one of the funniest hands we have ever seen, and definitely belongs on the list of the top 20 most retarded poker hands ever. Here, at a WSOP final table for $5,000 Omaha Hi-Low w/ rebuys, Ted Lawson proves to the world that he knows absolutely nothing about poker… he pushes his whole stack in on the turn and proudly displays his straight on a paired board against Lee Watkinson and Freddy Deeb. This isn’t in a homegame… this is three-handed for a World Series bracelet. Somehow, he actually comes back from this embarassing poker hand to win the thing. You don’t need luck if you’re good, and you don’t need to be good if you are Ted Lawson.

James Woods Playing Bad Poker

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:55:51 +0000

We’re keeping it in Hollywood for this one. James Woods is a great actor. He played the role of sleazy, drugged out, pimp ex-boyfriend to perfection in Casino. We loved him in Aladdin. But as the old saying goes… great acting ability does not a great poker player make… errrr… something like that. The best part of this hand is that James Woods is completely speechless throughout, and after the hand is over he just stretches and goes on… completely oblivious. What is going through Jimmy Woods’ mind during this hand? Nothing.

Jennifer Tilly : I Thought You Had Pocket Kings

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:09:54 +0000

You have to give Jennifer Tilly some amount of credit. We’re talking about a world series of poker bracelet winner here. Sure, it was the Ladies event… but still there are less world series of poker bracelets than super bowl rings. She’s in the club. So maybe… just maybe… Jennifer Tilly is making an advanced meta-game play by pretending to be completely clueless at poker hoping that it will pay off later. Obviously, Patrik Antonius doesn’t think that’s the case as he can’t help but just laugh at the way she so timidly plays her set of jacks, which turns into a powerhouse on the river. We just hope that this beautiful Hollywood actress was on some serious Hollywood drugs during this hand. Don’t worry, Jennifer. You were a genius in Stuart Little!

Tommy Reed : I Screwed Up

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:09:43 +0000

In 2005, Tommy Reed played what we have decided is one of the worst played poker hand ever. He plays for days to make the final table in the Lake Tahoe circuit event and ends up in this beauty of a han with David Pham and Johnathan Shecter. After making “the good laydown” when he folds a set on the turn, he shakes his head in disbelief when David “The Dragon” Pham makes a pro call with his naked queens. Phil Ivey is sitting right next to Reed. Ivey’s reply to Reed’s poker lament is classic!

Kristy Gazes : Hello? We both have quads!

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:09:32 +0000

We love Kristy. That’s why we feel bad about putting her here on the site for playing one of the most retarded poker hand ever. But here she is, playing on national network television, completely stunned when her 9 kicker gets beat by Chad Brown’s nut ace kicker on a 66662 board. Almost as funny is watching Chad check it down on the river. Poker Retards sets the odds at 4:1 that Kristy would have snap-called an all-in bet. There is actually a rule when you play poker which technically would allow someone to call a penalty on Chad. Would have been awesome to see her try and call it!

Brett Richey, Beth Shak, and Phil Hellmuth : I’ve got all the suits covered!

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:09:17 +0000

This is all around a beautiful hand if you’re looking for examples of retarded poker. The classic line is from Hellmuth, but we’ve decided to give the poker retard award to Brett Richey. This hand at a World Series NL preliminary event shows Richey tank after Beth Shak and Phil Hellmuth both are all-in with aces. He agonizes and calls, missing Beth literally dancing up and down celebratin6g and singing “I got it, I got it!” If ever there was a time to lay down Kings preflop, this was it. Equally as funny is Phil Hellmuth bragging about how he has all the suits covered, since he shares spades and clubs with Richey… sorry Phil, but last time we checked, his black kings mean you have two less cards in the deck that you need to make your flush, which actually means you- ahhh forget it.